My New Girlfriend

So I met this sweet nice girlfriend. I want to marry her. Most of the times she is so nice. But sometimes she behaves strange. Well, I do not know what to do. I am kind of suspicious of her behavior. Please help me clear things up. 

Last week I bought a used car....I found my girlfriend's dress in the back seat.....

She is the worse cook in the world. In my house, we pray after we eat. 

She cant cook at all. In my backyard, the flies chipped in to fix the screen door. 

I have no sex life either. In my house, we put the mirror over the dog's bed....

The other night she told me she wants to try something wild. She tied me to the bed, Then she put her clothes on and went out.

I get no respect. That is the story of my life. 

But it must be my fault. As a kid, I get no girls too. One girl told me to come over there is nobody home. I came over there was nobody home...

My girlfriend flunked the driving's test. She could not get used to the front seat. 

And she is fat too. How fat? She is so fat her bathtub has stretch marks....

Her belly button has an echo...

ANd she is ugly too. How ugly? I took her to a dog show, she won....

They use her in prison to cure sex offenders....

I don't know but sometimes I think she is not faithful to me. 

I went to a doc and told him that I think she has a VD, he gave himself a shot of penicillin.

Tell me guys what to do, is she the right girl for me??????

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